


“Is Ladybug losing her figure?”

by catradoracan0n



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Body Dysmorphia, Body Image, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff, Pressure, eating issues, poor bb mari, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23623861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catradoracan0n/pseuds/catradoracan0n
Summary: After an akuma attack, all anyone can seem to talk about is Ladybugs weight gain. Marinette truly had not even noticed. However, it was now all she could think about
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 38
Kudos: 107





	1. Articles

Marinette chewed at her lip as she read the news articles.

“Paris’ hero piles on the pounds!”

“Is Ladybug losing her figure?”

“Lovers of Ladybug, worry no more!”

Her eyes glazed over the computer screen as she scrolled through multiple news stories, each one crammed with photos from the latest akuma attack. No one was talking about how hard and long her and Chat fought, no. Everyone was talking about how Ladybug had apparently gained weight. She truly hadn’t even realised. She stared at horror at the photographs. With it being the summer holidays, the decrease in the amount of akumas and someone else helping in the bakery, Marinette found herself lying in bed more than usual, or watching tv with a pint of vanilla ice cream more times than she could count. 

Each new article punched her in the gut and she fought back the urge to burst into tears. She never had to worry about her figure before as she had a naturally high metabolism and thanks to Ladybug, was exercising everyday. Now, with Hawkmoth laying low, she was only doing a patrol with Chat every now and then. Her mind suddenly panicked when she realised he would be seeing the same articles as her. 

Adrien was in no way cruel, but his father had raised him with a model mindset. Skinny = good, fat = bad. Of course Adrien would notice. She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer as she thought of him, looking at these pictures in disgust like everybody else. The feeling of pure dread surrounded her, and she wanted nothing more than to run. To transform, fly and sprint around the city until her lungs were heaving and her brain was empty. However, the monitor screen burned in her brain and the comments of the Parisians shoved her back into bed. As she sobbed into her pillow, her phone lit up with a message.

Adrien 🥰

Are you okay bugaboo?  
I’m so sorry this is so horrible :(  
Mari?  
Please tell me you’re okay.

She threw her phone across the room as she continued, heaving and spluttering until she drifted to sleep


	2. Perfect to me

Adrien tapped his fingers nervously against his desk as he scrolled through yet another disgusting article. He thought about the idea of Marinette reading these and flinched at the idea of the amount of damage this would be causing her. He knew how insecure she could get at times. He often noticed her worried glances, quickening breathe and her arms wrapping themselves around her waist as she hunched over. Even when they were intimate together, she often attempted to cover her body halfway through. As Chat Noir, he understood how challenging it could be to run around Paris in a skin tight outfit that left very little to the imagination. He understood the sudden waves of insecurity whenever someone looked at his body, both as a superhero and also as a model in his civilian life. His entire life, he was forced to look a certain way and he never wanted anyone else to feel the pressure he did, especially Marinette.

He grew more and more worried as she failed to return his texts and calls while the hateful comments increased. He couldn’t sit around any longer as thoughts of how she could be handling it darted around his brain. “Plagg, claws out!” He exclaimed, and without a second though, he leaped out his window, running as fast as he could. 

On his way, civilians stared and whispered. Frankly, he didn’t want to know what they were saying. Reading comments online about her was hard enough, but if he had to hear someone say it to his face? His duty was to protect Paris and its citizens, but there’s no telling how angry he would get. As he landed on her rooftop, he noticed all the lights in her bedroom were off. Usually at this time of the night, he would spot Marinette through her window doing homework, designing or sewing. The thought that she might be fine struck him and he suddenly felt like an idiot. She could be out with Alya or helping her parent in the bakery and he felt stupid for thinking she couldn’t handle herself. Marinette was the strongest girl he knew and he criticised himself for being so protective. However, he couldn’t leave without checking. He peered into her window and his heart shattered immediately.

She was sat in the middle of her room, on the cold hard wood. The image of her tear stained face straining itself as she forced herself to do sit-up after sit-up caused his face to soften and he bit his lip in an attempt to stop the pool of tears that was forming. He tapped lightly on the window and scrounged up a light smile, trying his hardest to not let her see him upset. She looked at him with wide eyes for a split second before immediate breaking eye contact. “Go away, Chat” She breathed, looking down at the hem of her baggy hoodie as she toyed with it. “Please bugaboo, just let me in”. She shook her head lightly but Chat refused to move. He couldn’t just leave her to hate herself. She may have been like this for hours, he thought and a tear threatened to spill over. They stayed like that in silence for what felt like forever, until Marinette reluctantly shuffled over to the window and unlocked it, still refusing to make eye contact. “Mari, i’m so sor-“ He immediately opened his arms to envelop her and was startled when he felt her push his chest away.

“No! Please chat, please don’t touch me” He had never seen her look less like herself. Her hair was askew in a ponytail that was seconds away from falling apart, her face was red and covered with snot and tears and she wore a hoodie at least five sizes too big for her with baggy pyjama bottoms. “I’m sorry, I won’t” He took a step back and he felt a sense of relief when her shoulders lowered and her posture straightened slightly. Taking a deep breathe, she said “I don’t really wanna talk about it” Her voice began to break and Chat absolutely hated it. “That’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It’s horrible, Mari” He couldn’t cry right now, not when he was supposed to be supporting her. “But the thing is, it’s true. I just weighed myself” She shut her eyes tightly as she remembered the experience. “I gained 17 pounds. I’m disgusting and ugly and what they’re saying? It’s true!!” She suddenly folded down on herself, cuddling her legs and rocking back and forth. Chat immediately sped over, kneeling down and placing a hand on her shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to hug her - to kiss her and show her just how beautiful she was in his eyes. But he didn’t want her to freak out again. “Bug... none of it is true. To me, you are just as breathtaking to me as you were 17 pounds less. I don’t care what you weigh, I love you just the way you are”. From his own past experience, he knew none of what he was saying was remotely helpful to her. He thought back to the day before his Agreste Autumm shoot and how all the compliments meant nothing to him. “Chat, please stop lying to me. Don’t worry i’m going to fix it. Yeah, i’m going to fix it- I have to fix it- i’m going to-“ She began hyperventilating, unable to say anything apart from “have to fix it” over and over again. 

Chat’s heart shattered into pieces as he sat down and pulled Mari in between his legs. Her head lay on his chest as he played with her hair, just the way she liked it and attempted to help her control her breathing. He had no idea what to say, so he just whispered “it’s all going to be okay” every now and then as she sobbed into his chest.


	3. two plates

Adrien insisted he stay the night. He couldn’t bare the thought of leaving her alone like this. She agreed after many promises of piano serenades and although Marinette wanted to, she refused to cuddle. However, she found it comforting to have someone with her, especially him. He truly did care about her and that now made her feel horrible. As much as he could comfort her and say he didn’t care how much she weighed, she knew what she looked like and hated that Chat had to be in love with someone who looked like THAT. She would be better for him, she had already decided. From being introduced to tumblr years ago, she knew the easiest way to lose weight was to restrict your calories and exercise. Though dangerous, it worked and it worked quickly. But she would be fine. She was only doing it for a short amount of time and then she would stop. Simple, right? 

After Chat slipped out her window to return home, her feet met the scale yet again. Nerves coursed throughout her body as she felt the cold plastic beneath her. Reluctantly, she gazed down to see she had lost only half a pound. A sigh involuntary left her body and she looked away, refusing to accept it. “Progress is better than nothing, I guess” She tried to remind herself as she kicked the scale away.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Marinette!” Tikki sat on the bathroom sink, looking up at her anxiously. “You look perfect to me!” 

“Thanks, Tikki”. Marinette let a small smile slip out as her kwami flew up and brushed against her face. She trailed to her bedroom and slowly began getting ready for school which she was absolutely dreading. If everyone noticed Ladybug gained weight, then everyone at school must have noticed that Marinette got heavier too. She cringed at the idea of people looking at her and what thoughts would be running through their mind. She had to be perfect again. 

She waited. And waited some more. 7:59. Perfect. “Sorry, running late, gotta go!” She sprinted through the living room and out the door before her parents could even mention the idea of breakfast.

12:25. “Yeah, sorry guys. I really have to finish this design so I’m going to spend lunch in the art studio.”  
“Cool. See ya in chemistry!” Alya exclaimed as they began walking towards the lunch hall. Adrien shot her a look of concern which she ignored with a smile. 

6:17. Her stomach was loud and honeslty, beginning to hurt a lot. She felt slightly nauseous as she heated up some of her mum’s homemade soup and diced up a salad. She was just settling down to watch some She-Ra when her phone pinged and Adriens name popped up.

Adrien 🥰

“Hey bug :)”

The message brought a smile to her face. Truth be told, she felt guilty for wanting to eat. And then she felt stupid for feeling guilty. “I haven’t eaten all day” She thought. “I have to have something. I don’t want to do any damage”. She frowned at the thought. However, Adrien’s message reminded her that he would want her to eat. It didn’t take the fear away, but it made her feel a little better about it.

“Hey kitty :) whatcha up to?”

“Sitting by myself, eating dinner. It tastes like crap though haha. What did you have, let me live vicariously through you”

“Got some warm soup and a salad,   
that good enough for ya?”

“Sounds great :)”

She giggled at the hidden gesture. As if this message wasn’t just him checking she was eating, after how worried he looked at lunch. He was so sweet, always checking on her and making sure she was alright. She immediately felt a pang of unease thinking about how she was worrying Adrien. She never wanted to be the reason he was upset or stressed out. 

“I’ll be okay <3”

“I know you will. you’re the strongest person i know mari”

Her heart welled up inside her chest and she made a mental note to kiss him extra hard the next time she got the chance. She thanked her lucky starts for Adrien Agreste and returned to the kitchen to dispose of her dishes. 

“Oh, Marinette! How was your day?” Her mother asked, placing a hand on her shoulder as Marinette placed her dishes in the sink. “Two plates? Someone must’ve been hungry” 

Her usual cheery tone cut into her like a dagger. Of course, she knew her mother ment nothing harmful by it but that didn’t make it hurt any less. The guilt that earlier subsided came rushing back, stinging her eyes as she fought back a tear. She hurriedly put her dishes down and took the stairs to her room three at a time, squeezing her fists. As soon as she closed the door, she let herself slide down to the floor while a hot tear burned her cheek. She caught glimpse of herself in the mirror and wanted nothing more than to grab it, throw it across the room and shatter it into a million pieces. Thoughts of anger and self hatred ran through her head at light speed, growing bigger every second.

“I. Hate. You”. She spat at her reflection. “Your thighs, your face, your arms, your stomach, your calves, your chest, your- your” She began to run out of breath as she sprung out insult after insult at her reflection. She sat there for a while, just staring at herself and pointing out every little imperfection. Her entire body felt enormous as she eventually dragged herself off the floor and to her bed.

She could hear her parents laughing to their usual 7pm comedy show as she cried endlessly into her pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> constructive criticism is welcomed!! <3  
> this chapter wasn’t as good, sorry guys


	4. cracks

Tikki was starting to become worried. Over the last few weeks, Marinette had become obsessed with the way she looked. Tikki constantly caught her checking and poking at her body in every single reflection, eyes filled with anger and disgust meeting the glass she glared at. She was slowly beginning to turn down more and more of Alya's offers to hang, most likely because there was always food involved. She even declined Adrien when he asked her out to Le Jule Verne, one of the biggest and fanciest restaurants in France. Marinette struggled to say no - his eyes shone into hers as he propositioned they make their relationship public. She insisted that she "just wasn't ready yet" - like it had nothing to do with the fact it was a six course meal. As the days passed, she spent more and more time alone in her room trying to think of something other than food. This was particularly difficult, seeing as she lived above a bakery which her family owned. However, all she had to do was reread the articles praising Ladybug's weight loss and step back onto the scale to feel motivated. And that was the issue - it felt good. To have the media back on her side, finally having someting positive to say about her again. To have her friends and family make slight comments, like "Mari girl, you look so good today! Did you lose weight or something? or how her Grandmother insisted she had more for lunch as she was "thinning away". The euphoria she felt as her favourite shorts stopped digging into her waist so much. She was happy. 

However, Adrien wasn't so thrilled. Over the course of a few weeks, Marinette had transformed into a shell of herself. For a start, she always looked so exhausted. With barely any food, there was nowhere near enough fuel for her body to function properly. Either in her civillian or superhero life, she lacked energy to excell. She had slipped up in battle one too many times for it to be a coincidence and her grades had began to fall. He also noticed how her eyes would often linger on relfective surfaces. She'd run her eyes over her relfection, suck her tummy in and fix her posture before staring blankly at her own face for a brief moment. Then she wold continue whatever hse had been doing like it never even happened. 

One night, as they were cuddling, he noticed how she had physically changed. Her hair which was splayed caross her pillow had began to thin, and her nails had a slight tint of blue to them. He stared at her hand as it rested on his own in disbelief. From his own experiences, he knew these were tell-tale signs of malnourishment.   
"Mari?" He croaked, pulling her closer. She moaned as she snuggled her closer into his chest. "You'd tell me if - if what happened a few weeks ago was still bothering you right?" She immediantly stiffened in his arms but maganed to hum in agreement. "I'm serious, bug. Are you alright?" He patted her hair, wondering what thoughts were running through he rmind.

"Of course" She whispered. "Now shh, it's sleepy time" She groaned. It was his turn to stiffen as she blatantly lied to him. How was he supposed to help her if she wouldn't even tell him she needed it? And that was the thing. She didn't want help. For once, people - the media especially - had something positive to say about her and call it selfish, but thousands of comments calling her hot every day wasn't the worst thing in the world. She felt confident, sexy, good enough for Adrien. Finally, she felt like she deserved a place by his side compared to the celebrities his fans often shipped him with. A smile was plasted on her face as she drifted off, happy with knowing she was changing for the better as her stomach churned and cut daggers into her. A few weeks ago, the pain would have kept her up but now, she had grown used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry it's been a little while. I would like to itterate that if it seems as if I have romanticsed Mari's disordered eating behaviours, it's because it is coming from her perspective. Often those who suffer from these disorders see no problem with what they are doing and convince themselves it's okay. Please know my intention is not to make it seem glamerous or fun, but to show the raw truth that eating disorders can manipulate you into believeing that you are happy.
> 
> Again, constructive critism is welcomed :) thank you for all the support!! <3


	5. Why?

“Finally” She exhaled. Marinette felt her eyes prick with tears as she looked down at the scale. 110. One hundred and ten pounds. “I did it”. She whispered, a smile forming its way upon her face. She began her normal ritual, moving the scale to different parts of her bathroom just in case it was wrong. Much to her delight, the number wouldn’t budge. 110. She screwed her eyes shut as she remembered the pain and hurt she had went though, and how it had all been worth it for this one moment of euphoria. Finally, everything could go back to normal - just in time for the first day of summer.

Marinette reached for the pink tennis skirt she had made a few months ago. Reluctantly, she stepped into it and adjusted as she turned around to face her mirror, excited to see her hard work pay off.

She stared at the girl who seemed much too big to be 100lbs. Confusion wracked her brain as she tried to conclude why she felt the way she did. She had lost the weight, she was skinner than before she made the skirt so why did she still feel massive? Rationally, she knew she couldn’t look big. She was just teetering on the edge of being underweight. Still, her thighs seemed to bulge underneath the skirt and her waist seemed all too suffocated by the waistband. Panicking, she rummaged throughout her wardrobe, picking out all the clothes she had made for summer. Surely there was something she could wear, right? However as she made her way through the diminishing pile, the hate she felt for her own skin grew. Each piece of clothing only grew her frustration and anger until she was sobbing on the floor, desperately asking why.

Her own words pounded in her head. _“Tikki don’t worry!! When I get to 115, I’ll stop_.” She looked up to see her tear stained reflection in agony.

_“I can stop whenever i want”_

Her anger built up more and more as she looked at the roll of fat on her stomach spilling over her shorts.

_“It’s just a little diet”_

She promised herself she would never, ever look like this again. She wouldn’t eat until she liked what she saw.

_“I’m just have to lose a little bit of weight and then I’ll go back to eating regularly”_

Her thighs squished against the floor and she wanted nothing more than to crawl out of her skin. There was no going back.

_“I’m going to be okay, Tikki”_

“You don’t deserve to eat ever again” She spat at the weak, sobbing girl aross from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit short but i hope you enjoyed nonetheless


End file.
